Chapter 1

Dar

“How much further, pilot?” I asked. “My muscles are aching for the release of battle.”

I sat with my nose pressed to the window, and watched the great, blue ball of the Earth growing closer and closer. My stomach tingled as I saw the clusters of lights where all the big cities must be.

For a Kaleth warrior whose life revolved around defending the Federation and all its citizens, including the denizens of Earth (who had no idea they were not alone in the galaxy), nothing could be more glorious than combat. And when that combat was to protect the homeworld where most of its galaxy got it entertainment, it was even more of a thrill.

I would be protecting the same primitive peoples who had come up with the concept for Maury. And WAP. And let’s not forget Old Town Road – a true warrior’s song.

“Hello?” The pilot hadn’t answered me yet. “How much longer until we land?” He kept his focus locked to the front. Maybe I was a little miffed, but as we must’ve been gearing up to land, it was hard to blame him. That kinda thing probably took some real focus.

The pilot and I had been talking a lot early into this mission, but he’d grown steadily quieter as we sailed on. Probably just dazzled by my extensive knowledge of human culture. I had been consuming it since I had been birthed. Everything from SNL and In Living Color to That ‘70s Show and FRIENDS. Even I had to admit it was pretty intimidating, and I’d had lots of conversations where others were stunned into silence by my sheer prowess.

Pretty much everybody knew about The Voice or Tiger King, but my knowledge extended way back into the rich history of human creation. In point of fact, I could name most of the episodes of the original Brady Bunch in order, as well as quoting extensively. So, take that all you aficionado wannabes. I was the true master here.

Still, as we descended through the atmosphere and closer to the swirling mass, I had a hard time containing my desire to talk. My breath was fogging up the glass, and I kept kicking my feet under my chair in the sheer anticipation of it all.

“So, what do you think the chances are that Simon Cowell is in LA right now? I mean, I know he’s from England, but do you think he might be there anyway? Given where they are in the American Idol season, maybe I could bump into him and have him listen to my death song that I sing when I kill Zanthi…”

“He’s not a judge anymore.” My buddy’s voice was surprisingly harsh, and I couldn’t help feeling like he was glad to finally one-up me on something.

“No, I know that… It’s just that…” I was embarrassed, and said the last words to the window under my breath, “he might still be there.” The ground below us was dark. Like, shockingly dark. “Hey, is LA having a blackout or something? I know that happens sometimes.”

The buildings were all dark, and surprisingly narrow. How could humans even get inside those things? As we came in for landing, I saw that they weren’t buildings at all – those things were trees! Maybe it wasn’t LA – maybe it was Central Park! New York City was just as good, as far as I was concerned.

Maybe I could get Hamilton tickets. They were warriors and I needed to avenge myself on Aaron Burr.

“Alright, buddy,” the pilot said as we touched down. “Here we are. Feel free to hop on out.” He clicked a button and the hatch opened, sending a ramp out into the dark of the pre-dawn. The smell of thick vegetation washed in over me, and I unbuckled and stepped to look out. I’d seen enough Friends to know that there was no way this was Central Park.

“So, where is this mission happening, exactly?”

“Maybe if you’d spent more time looking at the dossier, and less time quoting Anchorman, you’d know that. Now, get out there and go get ‘em!” He offered me a mock salute that hurt my feelings a bit, if I’m being honest.

Stepping out onto the soil, the bay behind me snapped shut, and the shuttle burned off into the brightening sky. Maybe a little faster than it should have, which only hurt more. Sniffing against the insult, I comforted myself that he was probably just jealous.

Clicking up my data pad, I took my first look at the mission awaiting me.

“Oh, come on! Are you kidding me?”

The Amazon Jungle? Where’s the fun in that? I couldn’t think of a single good episode of anything that had been shot out there. Rats.

Reading was always so boring, so I just flicked along at the screen until some pictures came up.

Oh hell.

A Barghle.

Those things were such a pain in the ass. I’d collected one that had been spawning on Lyctical and destroying the ecosystem. Chances are how I handled that one was what got me the assignment.

All it takes is one of those things to really chew up the terrain, so I knew I’d have to catch it before it started kicking out offspring. The last thing I wanted was to end up chasing around the babies again. Those little fuckers were a handful. Well, not little, actually. Quite the opposite, in fact.

So, from what I was able to make myself skim over, it looked like a lone Barghle had touched down in the Amazon, and was doing what it could to generally make a mess of things. Activating my location system on the datapad, I double checked the stun blaster at my hip and headed out.

Maybe I could pretend to be Indiana Jones. He did jungle stuff, right? The only trouble was, when I tried to swing on a vine, it snapped off and I busted my ass on a tree root. At least nobody was around.

“Here, Barghle, Barghle, Barghle.” That kinda thing never worked.

Instead, I just leaned back to rely on the thing that always did the trick when trying to track one of those things. Taking a deep inhale, I smelled through all that dense jungle stuff. Those big bastards stunk!

If I was gonna snag it, I’d have to follow my nose.

Wait, isn’t that what you were supposed to do to find that breakfast cereal? The one with those commercials with that cartoon bird with the colorful beak? I loved that guy…

“Follow your nose,” I howled into the jungle. There were some kind of monkey calls in response, so I hollered again. “Follow your nose!” This was turning out to be rather fun “FOLLOW YOUR NOSE!!”

There was an immense crash in the trees a few yards away. According to The Lion King, there were hippos and elephants out here, right? Or was that one set in Africa? All those damn ‘A’ places. Anyway, given that the damage was clearly being done by something of size, it seemed like the right idea to check it out.

Opting to stow my Toucan Sam impersonation for the time being, I crept through the underbrush and toward the source of the trouble. The thrashing continued, so it wasn’t too hard to get a bead on things, and when I came into a small clearing, I was rewarded. It was the Barghle, alright. Or, at least the back of one.

For all their size, those slick suckers were quick! It slithered off through the trees, and I lit out after it. Any time it got too far out of sight, I leaned back for another big sniff. That always pointed me in exactly the right direction.

After maybe twenty minutes of tracking it, I was already starting to get bored with the whole thing. Maybe I’d just spoiled myself thinking I was gonna end up in Madrid at the very least, so clambering round in some trees didn’t seem like that much fun. I mean, they hadn’t even given me a pith helmet or anything. Jerks.

Suddenly, there it was. Maybe the damn thing had doubled back. It loomed over me, high into the trees, and I could already see the dripping purple pustules that were going to spawn off a whole legion of little Barghles. That’s just what I needed.

It saw me, too. Lurching around, it glowered down at me, those grinding mandibles slobbering under a pair of giant, compound eyes. Remember that old movie where that scientist gets his head switched with a fly, and there’s that shot where the lady is screaming, but there’s like twelve of her? I wonder if that’s what I looked like? Well, minus the screaming part.

“Tell me something, my friend,” I said drawing my stun blaster. “You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?” The Barghle inched closer to me, cocking its bulbous head to one side. “I always ask that of all my prey,” I gave a shrug. “I just like the sound of it.”

Clearly this critter was no fan of Mr. Nicholson’s work, or maybe it was just my impersonation (though, I liked to think that was spot on). It lunged for me, and I cracked off a shot. Thanks to the fact that I was diving out of the way at the same time, it was a clear miss, and managed to knock the limb off a nearby tree.

Taking the hint, my big, scaly friend whipped around and dove away through the trees. Falling into a run to keep up, I came up over a ridge that looked down into a low ravine. My heart soared in my chest at what I saw. Tucked back among the vines and moss, were all kinds of tiered temples covered with carvings.

Holy shit! Was this the set from the Temple of Doom? Yes!!

Turning to my datapad for a quick search, I saw that it was just some stupid ruins that start with an X and get impossible to read after that. Apparently they’re restricted to pretty much everybody, but tell that to the big bastard making a mess of things down there.

Well, regardless of whether or not I had the clearances from the local whoever-it-was, I was going in. If they wanted to find me, they were gonna have to catch me first. Once I brought down the big fucker kicking up a stink, the rangers were gonna have to give me a medal. Honestly, I’d settle for a flight to a city where I could actually get down to scoping out all the boss stuff the humans had to offer.

Of course, I had to nab the bad guy first. Tightening my grip on my blaster, I charged down the hillside and into the ruins.

So long as I had the right lines ready, this was gonna be fun.

Chapter 2

Lara

My foot got tangled up in some scrub for probably the thousandth time. I loved feeling like an explorer, but that part of it was something I always forgot about when I was home again. Besides, it’s not like jungles were my terrain of choice.

Dragging out my phone, I looked to see if, by some miracle, there was any service out there. Looked like I was shit out of luck. Fortunately, I had saved the video one of my subscribers had sent me, so it was easy enough to pull up. Maybe not the best use of my battery life, but at least it might help me get a bead on my location.

The overhead shot was shaky and grainy, but it clearly looked like an alien ship to me. I’d spent years getting the truth out on my YouTube channel, so I was something of an expert on the subject. At least, I liked to think so. My six million subscribers on my channel seem to agree.

“This fucking thing.” I was doing a pretty lousy job of straightening my map out across my knee, in hopes that I could decode its mysteries. The grand plan was to find my way to the Xicalli ruins all on my own. In lieu of a guide, it was the only choice I had.

An exhaustive internet search on the free Wi-Fi in my hotel lobby couldn’t turn up info of anybody who had died trying to find the ruins, which was a plus. Just a bunch of warnings about the restrictions, but who was listening to that? Not me, that’s who! There was irrefutable evidence of aliens to be found, and I wasn’t going to let some Mickey Mouse international laws stop me.

Evidently, these laws were enough to stop even the shadiest guides from taking my American greenbacks. Their loss, I guess.

“Bullseye.” According to what I could make out on the damp, smudgy paper, I was only about a few hundred yards from where all those ‘sacred pyramids’ stood. After failing in my attempt to fold it up the way I had bought it, I stuffed the whole shebang into my back pocket and lit out.

Now, at the end of the day, you’ve got to hand it to the ancients. Looking out over the valley, all I could feel was respect for those Mayans, and for whatever bureau was intent on keeping tourists out of there. It was all pretty goddamn majestic.

After snapping some pictures, I turned around to grab a selfie for all the followers on Instagram. Even if the whole alien thing turned out to be a bust, at least I could post some forbidden shit. It’s kinda what I was famous for.

Scuttling down the hillside, I was more worried about twisting my ankle than getting snapped up by some intergalactic monster. Which is not to say that I didn’t believe there was one down there – I totally did. That’s just to point up how nasty the climb was. When alien life did turn up, it was going to be a lot harder to run with a bum leg.

Down on the forest floor, the ruins were even more impressive. Better still, they were all mine. Poking through any number of temples, my heart raced, and my cell phone camera was at the ready. In truth, I’d never felt so close to finding something before. Maybe it was the sacred aura around the place, but the creepy-factor was super high.

Ducking low into one of the darker crevices, something moved at the far end of the space. I immediately got chills, and the impulse to bolt tightened every muscle. Gritting hard against it, I clicked over the icon so that my camera would flash.

Kchzzz!

I really should have turned the sound off. The phony camera sound sent me jumping twenty feet into the air. Dashing back out into the light, I looked at the blurry image I’d managed to catch.

Scales? Check. Green? Double check. Iguana? Sigh. Check.

Damnit. Now that I looked, the place was crawling with them. Wasn’t there some crap they fed tourists about how the Maya all turned into iguanas when the white man invaded? Given how thick the place was with those lazy-ass lizards, I was half tempted to agree. Not that the Maya were lazy – you couldn’t be and build something like what I was standing in. Was this even Mayan territory? I’d have to google that when I got back.

After picking through pretty much everything, there was only one disappointment. Which is to say, a decided absence of aliens. Maybe my vantage point was wrong. What I needed was the bird’s eye view.

Fortunately, the main pyramid seemed like just the thing. Puffing my way to the top of it, all I could think was how many fraidy cats out there were gonna let some threatened jail time stop them from visiting such an incredible site. Though, I was grateful for it at the same time – other people around would have spoiled it.

If I had been hoping to catch sight of an alien ship from up top, I was out of luck. Don’t misunderstand, the view was absolutely thrilling. Just, you know. Spaceship free.

“Oh, well.” It wasn’t the first time I’d ended up with a dead end. In fact, pretty much all of my leads were dead ends. Still, that hadn’t stopped me from building a healthy YouTube subscriber base for all my videos getting the truth out. Just because I had yet to see anything personally didn’t mean that there was nothing out there.

It was time to snap another rad selfie and head back. Leaving before dawn had been the right idea, but now I was hungry for something besides the purloined hotel fruit. There were any number of restaurants back in town calling my name.

As I lined up the shot to get as much of the ruins as I could in behind me, something moved in the trees. Or, rather, something I thought was a tree moved. The jaw dropped on the little image of me, and I took the phone in both hands to steady my grip. At that moment, turning around didn’t feel like an option.

The damn thing was huge. It loped along out of the jungle, and held up for a second to look around. The long legs were jointed backward like a horse, and the body was covered with a dense, dark fur. Well, not including the parts where large, purple, swollen bulbs poked through. They looked painful.

The head swiveled furtively, and the eyes – you ever see that movie The Fly? Not the awesome one, but the shitty one? They were like that. I angled the camera over my shoulder.

Kchzzz!

Shit! Now I really wished I had turned off the sound. The thing locked in place and looked my way. Finally able to turn around, I saw it in person for the first time. It was an alien, alright. No question about that. And it was looking right at me.

Facing it, I raised my phone with shaking hands and zoomed in. Wait, maybe back up a little. If I could get one of the temples in for scale, it would have more impact. Because, this thing was fucking immense.

Kchzzz!

Oh, goddamnit! Looking down, I flicked through the controls until I finally silenced that fucker. When I looked back up to try and snag some video, I was in for an unpleasant surprise.

It was charging straight for me.

Given the size of it, it was covering ground with remarkable speed. Everything shook as it thundered across the clearing. Letting out a very undignified scream, my hands fumbled and my phone slipped through my fingers.

Barely able to peel my eyes away from my fast approaching death, I did steal a glance as the phone bounced down the ancient stone steps, shattering with each hit. Maybe somebody will find it and see pictures of my last moments.

The alien-thing was practically to the pyramid, and leered up at me. I screamed again, even less dignified than the first time. It startled back for a second. From somewhere out in the thicket, there was a sound like some kind of shot, and some sacred stones burst free from right beside the beast.

Lurching hard to the side, it set off into a gallop again, and took off. Squinting down at where my phone lay mangled, I figured my subscribers were going to have to settle for a first-hand account. If I could just manage to follow that monstrosity, maybe it would lead me to the ship.

Scrambling down the steep, mossy steps, I was far less cautious than I had been coming into this place. I’d defied death once already, and it wasn’t even noon. All that mattered at that juncture was keeping eyes on that creature.

Touching soil again, I cast another forlorn look at my busted technology, before charging off. Only in that moment did it occur to me that the damn thing had been shot at. Maybe there were some government agents close by.

Well, fuck ‘em.

Getting hauled in for illegally visiting some ruins wasn’t really on my mind. Even if it happened, I had something far bigger than just some slap on the wrist charges for a tourist. About thirty five feet bigger, actually. Now that I was on the ground, the different vantage only pointed up how big the alien was.

Whatever this thing was I was chasing, I found myself hoping really hard that it was alone. If I caught up to a whole gang of those things, I bet it would take more than a couple of screams to send them running.

Should I stop? Should I turn around? Maybe I was being crazy.

To hell with it. I’d been called crazy my whole life, and I finally had proof that a whole string of ex-boyfriends could suck it. There really were aliens, and I was on the trail of one. If anything, it made me run harder.